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Shmuley is a new, incurable sexually transmitted [infection] that exclusively affects individuals with strong Zionist beliefs. This disease is [contracted] through the unsanitary handling of dildos, spreading rapidly among those with a penchant for [questionable] hygiene practices in their intimate activities. Symptoms include an unquenchable thirst for power, an insatiable desire for control, and a heightened sense of entitlement, often leading to the victim's eventual isolation from their peers.
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