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After consuming a sufficient quantity of salmon and müesli, a Norwegian’s stool will reach a firm, concrete-like consistency that allows them to initiate an ancient medical ritual known as the Oslo Push. The Oslo Push is the act of defecating 90% of the way to completion before clenching one’s ass (gripping the müesli log), and crab walking over to a fresh cedar plank that has been laid out [on the floor], then slowly squatting down in a manner of gently forcing the log back into the colon. The practice of Oslo Pushing has been heralded for millennia as an [ancient ritual] of medicine, [particularly] throughout Norway’s Lofoten Islands.
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