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The morbidly obese man that breaks into houses every year on [December 24th] and eats all of the food in your house. If you ever see him in your house, run. Santa Claus will give out presents to kids that he finds [attractive] and the ugly ones get coal. The presents usually have trackers in them as he handmade them with his children slaves that he kidnapped, also known as “elves” Sometimes you may find some very small elves in your house. Dispose of them [immediately] because they have cameras in them. Santa isn’t your friend. He’s a child predator.
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