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Contrary to what the billboards may tell you, the [trailer parks] aren’t populated by benevolent seniors who play golf in their back yards, and choose low-income housing out of pure humility. The fact of the matter is, they attract the dregs of society like a giant porch light attracting moths.

[Trailer park] tenants can be broken down into five categories.

Category [One]: the potheads. Strangely, they don’t seem to care that their plants are clearly visible, and poking through every orifice of the trailer.

Category Two: the slackers. Television is their life, even though they’re been so doped up by category one that they haven’t registered anything since the final episode of “M*A*S*H”.

Category Three: the crazies. Typically living in portable trailers, for no other reason than to shake them wildly when the fevered dreams come.

Category Four: the missionaries. These live in the “high-end” district of the [trailer park]. Representatives of the Mormon religion, they wander two-by-two through the wilderness, often thinking back to [the great one] man conversion of ’89.

Category Five: the hippies. Closely related to category one, except this group grows pot only for themselves (It’s strictly medicinal – treatment for their cocaine and heroin addictions).

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