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A short publication that would have saved you a lot of time if you bothered to read it. However, reading an [instruction] manual before attempting to assemble/[use] the product with which it came is a sure sign of mental and physical weakness.

Manuals come free with purchases of self-assembly furniture, [electronic] products, children’s toys and many, many other products.
Some of these products are so simple to use, (eg. A padlock) that a 55 page, multi-lingual, fully referenced brochure doesn’t really seem necessary

When writing an [instruction] manual, follow these simple rules and you can’t fail;

1. Make the pages from stiff, shiny paper so that it’ll only stay open at the right page with the help of a rock, a toolbox and a dining room table positioned on each corner.

2. Make an extensive ‘Contents Page’ using the smallest font available and ensuring that you number the chapters, sections and sub-sections. Do this even if you only have 3 pages.

3. If applicable, include an illustration of the parts the buyer SHOULD have received and make sure this includes a picture of the manual itself.

4. When you reach the English chapter, don’t be tempted to waste money on a translator, as you can simply guess most English words and make up the rest as you go along.

5. Be sure to include diagrammatical [information] where [appropriate] – get a four year old child to help you with the drawings.

6. Make the manual's cover [attractive] to women so that they can sit on their comfy sofas and shout directions at their husband/boyfriend when they are doing perfectly well with superior male intuition (and brute force)

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