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After a child is snatched from the nursery by William Hogchild Monkey, his [replacement] is always a monkey human hybrid, or a “Bill Monkey.” Telltale signs include but are not limited to [the following]; a tail (often removed), a hairy back and chest, grunting when food is served, bowel habits that can suffocate mere mortals, and a proclivity for buggery and the TV show Family Guy. [Needless to say], bananas are often his favorite food and a desire to pick pimples and nits from his being.
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