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A widespread and mind-numbing writing appliance used by uncreative teachers and schools to spread [dissatisfaction] with writing among their students. Though "creative" five-paragraph essays have been written, the form is [generally] mandated by dull minds to make writing and thinking dull. All five-paragraph essays begin with an [introduction] ("tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em!") followed by three body paragraphs ("tell 'em!") and a frighteningly repetetive conclusion ("tell 'em what you told 'em!").
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