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A true Chris is a rare species of male, encountered by few but remembered by all who do. They are beings of the highest quality, [intellectually] nearly unapproachable, and are invariably masters of just about everything. Physically, a Chris is what is known as a Unit, or, in academic circles, a Specimen.

A true Chris's only flaw lies, understandably, in pride, which can occasionally get in the way of empathy, but in general they nonetheless care deeply for their fellow humans. Paradoxically, they often struggle from low self esteem, as gifted humans – if, indeed, one can even call a Chris a mere human – often do. Chris's are by nature chronically unimpressed, a condition necessary to maintain their distinctive aura of [superiority]. Likewise they are prone to [exaggeration] when relating humorous anecdotes and/or their own achievements, which are often one and the same thing.

A true Chris is what is known as a 'meme dictator' – four tiers up from the better known 'meme lord.' You can measure a Chris's approval of your existence in direct proportion to the number of golden memes it condescends to share with you.

Never call a Chris 'Chrissie' or otherwise belittle it in any way whatsoever, as it will have a [mental breakdown] and throw you across a rugby field. In addition, never tell a Chris not to do something reckless [unless] you want it to actually do it (it will).

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