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Ah yes! The simp. That slippery, slimy serpent tempting girls into sleeping with him. The desperate, pathetic being that prays on the pity women bestow upon him. Perpetually celibate, the simp will do anything in an attempt to get into a girl’s pants. He showers them with gifts, praise, and attention; he leaves his infinitesimally small dignity and ego in front of any girl that be believes he has a chance with and abases himself before their will. The simp saunters in his own mind; his own fantasy where he can pretend, he is worthy of attention without needed to bribe girls to like him; in a world where being himself is enough; such an idea is foreign to the simp.

He hangs around the normal places we all do; in the library, at the coffee shop, at football games. Yet, we don’t typically see him. He slinks behind shelves, walls, and bleachers. He goes to the lake yet doesn’t put his foot in for if he did, he would drown in his own failure and ignominy.

His only tactic? Pity. By manipulating a girl, the simp, after years of hard work, has a slim chance to have “pity sex.” The simp lives for this moment. His will to live is fueled by his scummy ways. Contrary to real men, the simp uses pity to manipulate girls; us men use real emotional tactics like shame, guilt, fear of embarrassment, and social isolation in order to get girls to do what we want. These are much more sophisticated, and exponentially more effective, which is why simps aspire to be like us.

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