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A painful situation where you feel like a Monday Night [Football game] is going on inside your colon. Caused by large amounts of liqueous diarrhea (either pure liquid or big, wet, juicy chunks) which are propelled out of the large intestine by tremendous gas pressure moving at high speed. Such an assplosion is usually followed by gasping, groaning or blaspheming, followed by a horrendous, foul stench about 3 seconds later. It will usually spray the interior of the bowl with the liquid waste, which may often include undigested bits of food such as [okra], peanuts or sesame seeds. Causes horrible [intestinal] contractions, speeding on the highway, perspiring, fervent praying and fumbling with keys to get inside to the john as you think "please let me get inside NOW, I swear this must be what childbirth is like". Tremendous relief [immediately] follows turning your toilet bowl into a radioactive disaster area.
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