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1. Located at 43.10N latitude and 79.15W longitude, one of the many urban centres in Southern Ontario, with beautiful residential neighbourhoods, a great [shopping mall], and only a long tunnel away from Niagara Falls, where you can [drop the kids off] in the whale tank in Marineland and let the nice whales babysit them on their noses for the rest of the day, while you spend a spectacular night of [sophisticated] adult tourism shopping, riding the Maid of the Mist and the jetboats, hiking around the river gorge, or just standing and admiring Niagara Falls while taking in the friendly, carefree atmosphere of the city, and the stifling 90% humidity, which usually makes the temperature feel like 45 deg C.

2. A great place for kids to hunt snails all the day under the porch while the adults socialize in the pool, go to Chinese restaurants, one of the many immaculate coffee and donut shops, or cross-border shopping in New York. Also a place where you can easily become a rich, retired woman's considerably younger boytoy.

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