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Where rich kids come to have a good time and waste their parents' money for up to six years.  Located in the wealthy area around [University Park] and Highland Park, students quickly learn the first day that the cops here are not just racist but they think everyone is a criminal.  If you go jogging in the [neighborhoods] surrounding campus wearing a hooded sweatshirt, expect to be held at gunpoint by an overzealous fat, redneck version of Walker Texas Ranger.

You can always find a party here.  You can always get date raped at your leisure too, just drop by the FIJI, Pike or SAE houses.  A vagina is not a pre-requisite, all the guys are nice enough not to discriminate in their roofie-sniping.

We are all cocky here.  It doesn't matter if you are a millionaire at age 18, you still suck.  You drive a BMW do you?  Well I own five.

Oh great, we are most likely going to have the most substandard [president] in history's presidential library here.  Real estate values will drop, SAT median scores of freshmen will drop and professors will actually join the [Republican party].  The only thing that could be worse for this campus than W's library would be having a FIJI president of the university...oh wait, nevermind.

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