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A top secret, highly advanced recording device is is used in chat rooms to obtain knowledge to aid in [national security]. This secret technology was trusted to Special Agent Dick Johnson (code name Destroyer) who can't seem to figure out how to operate the Voice Machine. Only time will tell if he will be able to complete his secret mission. It is a matter of [national security] and a failed mission could mean the collapse of our government as we know it. We at the SSGA (Super Secret Government Agency) really wish Special Agent Johnson would get his shit together and figure out how to use the Voice Machine. He is a [really nice guy] and we made this advanced technology very simple to use, just for him, but he is still having difficulty operating it. And NO Special Agent Johnson, it doesn't work if you say Christmas in the Voice Machine.
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