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A school full of sports-obsessed [hormonal teenagers] who find [nothing better to do] than cause drama when they're not at after-school practices. Oh, and let's not forget the Hammer Down, boot-stompin' rednecks who sit back and enjoy the show with buckets of over-buttered popcorn, who say "shwain countay shun" like it's their religion. Be prepared to be at school, even through a blizzard, because God forbid you [have a day off] from a school full of narcissist maroon devils whose gravitational pulls are just a little too strong for them to handle. Shoutout to all the Extra Moms who worry more about their "Soccer-Mom Reputation" than their daughters' virginities.
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