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A pain in the [ass], a massive [pain]. Can and will be mistakenly called:

a. Oboe
b. Large flute
c. Clarinet
d. Bass clarinet
e. Baritone saxophone
f. Trombone
The bassoon looks like a Victorian bedpost and sounds like one too... that is, if you were to ever hollow one out and blow into it. The sounds it makes have been described as "a dying duck", "a dying cat", or "sharp!" It is never in tune. The first five years or so of playing will sound like [shit], but once you've hit your sixth or seventh year, it sounds a little less shitty and more like the gates of [heaven]. You will not be able to march with this (sorry, [marching band] is out! If you're keen to join, as I am, switch to clarinet or sax!) but it's great for concert band, as it is easiest played sitting down. The fingerings are complete [shit] and very, VERY confusing. I've looked up clarinet, flute, and saxophone fingerings. They look like addition and subtraction next to the trigonometry of bassoonland. If you want to make your own reeds (anything you can buy is really bad quality) then the process takes weeks. I get this a LOT when I tell [people] I play bassoon.

"What's that?"
or
"Oh! I know that~! It's like a large flute! :D :D :D!"

or
"[Shit], good luck, mate."

:,)

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