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Despite plenty of public ridicule towards the notion of "clown college," it is a fairly [sophisticated] establishment, full of ancient traditions and practices not known to the common man. An aspiring clown is only allowed to graduate once they complete the sacred ritual known as a filthy tuba. The jovial neophyte will begin by offering up a sacrifice to [the old gods], Kid Villain and John Kickjazz of the [Insane Clown Posse]. Then they will remove the sacrifice's intestine and tie off one end. After blowing the guts up like a balloon, the soon-to-be graduate must tie it into a balloon animal. The sacrifice alone will earn a bachelor's in clownography. In order to acquire a master's degree, the balloon must be tied into a tuba-like shape, and it must be used to perform Beethoven's 3rd Symphony in its entirety.
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