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Jeff: The single most hip [individual] in the Universe. He is incredibly beautiful, speaks 23 languages, and plays every musical instrument ever invented. He is loved by all that meet him and in fact [the Grateful Dead] actually followed Jeff across the country for over 15 years. Women can not be in his presence for more than 20 minutes because of dehydration risk. This is due to the spontaneous orgasms they experience upon laying their eyes on him. Jeff is also the kindest person in the Universe and once kissed a sloth which later turned it into Taylor Swift.

Jeff only speaks to beautiful women. If you find yourself in the presence of Jeff you should first give the 2 finger peace sign salute in greeting. Jeff will then bless you by granting 3 wishes. Aftweward, Jeff will fly you to his bungalow on the [dark side of the moon] and make mad passionate love to you for a minimum of 14 hours. At which point he will stop and make you breakfast. All your former friends will hate you for the perfection you have then become.

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