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You have to grow your beard longer than merlin and gandalf's combined, screw two brackets at the top of your stairs and place a trident within them. Take your woman, start [making love] to her [doggy style] at the top of your stairs, just as you're about to jizz, grab the trident, set your beard on fire, whip your girl's arms out from under and ride her down [the stairs] while shouting "By Zeus's Beard"
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