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To perform a Fijian Lava Lamp with your good lady, you will need: A large carton of Pineapple juice (with bits), a bottle of hot sauce, a Bounty bar and a funnel. Get her to hop on all fours and raise that ass right up in the air. Pop in the funnel and deliver a soothing pineapple enema. Plug her with the bounty bar. Now, shag her vigorously from behind and when approaching peak, whip out the bounty and squeeze in a generous serving of fiery hot chilli sauce. As her burn builds and you shoot your wad, lower your head over her bubbling pineappley ringer and prepare for a cataclysmic volcanic ass eruption right in your boat race - a la, a Fijian Lava Lamp. NB. Should you not wish to take the full eruption facially, when expunged into a large Martina glass, a Fijian Lava Lamp makes a fabulous pre-dinner cocktail.
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