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Aggressive parasitic urethral strain of necrotizing fasciitis (aka pork sword-eating bacteria) Infections invariably route back to studio audience members of the Jeremy Kyle show. This belligerent bacteria climbs in your piss-pipe (urethra) and devours your veiny-love-tree (pink oboe) from the inside out, culminating in a glory of inward foreskin collapse with vulva-esque results. Rumour has it that it is in fact a microcosmic Jeremy Kyle show with The bacteria playing Jezza and your member playing the contestant.
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