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An incredibly competitive public high school that is supposed to be very good but has many problems underneath the façade of high quality education and great test scores. Populated by Nike-covered preps, Chaco-wearing hippie wannabe's, and Ugg-sporting white girls, East is ruled with an iron fist (except when multiple fights break out in the same week and students overdose in school bathrooms). You’re lucky if you find a bathroom not covered in flies breeding off of dirty toilet water, and even luckier if there are still paper towels; meanwhile, the stall graffiti describing the school as a ‘hell hole’ is very accurate. Don't worry, though -- the drugs are plentiful and supposedly high end. It is looked down on to not take AP classes and SAT scores determine your self-worth. There are some amazing teachers, but also some terrible teachers who should have lost their jobs before they even got hired but unfortunately have survived to ruin students’ enjoyment of subjects as well as their test scores. There are clear social groups separating Honors and AP students from others.

If you enjoy watching teenagers drive luxury cars bought for them by their parents, set up a picnic blanket at the entrance to the parking lot before and after school. Spots are $5 each and the proceeds will go towards replacing broken water fountains and financing the restoration of terrible athletic fields. A new pimped-out golf cart is also needed for the security guard to keep up the school’s image.

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