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Best school in America. For just a few dozen thousand dollars, you can enjoy the lavish lifestyle of a New York Military Academy cadet: pleasant aroma of asbestos in academic buildings, decorative non-functional smoke detectors and fire extinguishers, tropical rain forest inspired ceiling leaks, modern art mold and mildew in eating facility. This is the place to go if you don't want to waste your time on those silly schools that give you good educations or solid connections. This may be a historic private "prep-school", but rest assured - no work is expected of you. Things to bring that aren't on the packing list: money to bribe the adults who take drug tests and hand out punishments, hidden camera to catch thieves, a concealable knife to defend against gangbangers and druggies, a crisp $50 bill to snort the pills you'll get addicted to, a second cell phone, clorox wipes for the bodily fluids that will be strewn across your floor, energy bars to substitute the 3 day old breakfast, and several packs of e-cig cartridges to sell on the side. Whatever this school used to be, isn't anymore. NYMA is a breeding ground for everything those pesky parents want to avoid. Are you "always ready" to get physically and mentally abused? Want to waste 35k, avoid receiving a legitimate education, and have come out dull and angry? If so, come to NYMA! "Set apart for excellence."

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