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He was the sixteenth [president of the United States] who was the first one to coin the sex move an "Abe Lincoln" where one proceeds to jizz in another's face and throw pubes on the jizz creating a silly beard. He also invented [Lincoln Logs] and in his spare time hunted vampires attempting to [free the slaves] from the dark overlords of the South who were running the cotton industry. Vampires secretly created a contraption called the "tampon" where a woman stores it in her vagina during her time of the month leaving a discarded tasty snack to be consumed.
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