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"Crossfit Strong" is very much like being "Weightwatchers Thin", i.e. you might think you're hot shit, but out in [the real world], you're 2 [milkshakes] away from greenpeace pushing you back into the ocean like the overbloated land cetacean that you have become.

With their total lack of linear or [otherwise] strength progression programming, and instead random, jerking, as-fast-as-fucking-possible and fuck the form, exercise, your average crossfitter will build the kind of strength that would impress a whole playground full of 8 year olds. Until the 10 year olds turned up and out-lifted them (whilst using vastly superior form).

You might think half-squatting a PVC pipe 30 times is impressive, if you're surrounded by similar white, middle class, cult-buddies. You'll probably harp on with some old bullshit about "[functional strength]", as if there is a way of being strong that is somehow useless. You might even be arrogant enough to equate throwing barbells around, without any form of programming, to a lifetime of hard graft and labour, and claim you have a similar base of strength. Let me tell you, Cultfitters. Any farmer aged 8 and up will outlift your skinny, DYEL, wet bag, rotator cuff worrying, carb depleted bullshit.

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