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Because they pay a fortune to share a one bedroom apartment with Craigslist dipshits, buy 15 dollar martinis and 5 dollar coffees, expensive shoes, clothes or “man bags,” many of the younger denizens of Manhattan are usually broke. Because of their penury, which they are loath to admit, this group will turn to free or very inexpensive events to kid themselves that they're having a good time living in the overly expensive and neurotic shithole they call home.

Use of websites like Group On and Meetup is common. When a free venue is found (Free days at the museum, gratis concerts, movies and plays in the park, esoteric bullshsit lectures) they will turn into shuffling [zombies], pack these venues to the rafters and squash any bit of fun you might have by inducing [claustrophobia] or annoying you with their "Got to crowd every [little bit] of experience into my fabulous life" insanity. When you see these people waiting on lines a block long they look like something out of a George Romero film.

Shooting these zombies though the head, although the preferred zombie eradication method, will usually lead to [incarceration] in a penal institution. Avoidance is the best tactic. And the only way to steer clear of Manhattan Free Shit Zombies is to go to events and venues that charge a fee. Any event with a price tag of over [twenty dollars] is usually sufficient to repel them.

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