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Game in which 2 teams of 15 men spend 80 minutes grinding their faces into the floor oblivious to the fact a ball is even on the pitch. A game first depicted in [cave paintings] depicting cavemen grappling over the last moose skull. A sport adored by posh people who for some reason [appreciate] the sight of 30 men slowly moving around the pitch in a muddy heap for 80 minutes. Many rugby union players have faces [sponsored] by King Edward Potatoes and arses sponsored by Eton College. Any action which could be described as remotely athletic is rarely seen in Rugby Union.
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