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when finals sneak up on unwitting college students, libraries, study rooms and coffee shops (wherever they have free wifi to satisfy facebook addiction) start to fill up to the brim with college students with their books and notes, a curious thing occurs. People around you will suddenly become more and more attractive the closer you get to finals, even when they are stylishly unkempt or reeking of red bull and cigarettes. This anomalous phenomenon can be attributed to many factors; procrastination induced horniness, sudden onset of booksmarts causing a sharp drop in common sense, or all that adderall, caffiene, taurine, nicotine suddenly kicking in at the same time to create a clusterfuck of bad ideas. This, my educated friends, is stress goggles. Just like its early october counterpart - Beer goggles, stress goggles turn bad ideas into good ideas and gives courage to the truly dimwitted. After fifteen redbulls, two tabs of addy, and a pack of marlboros, the only bad decision is an unmade one. Upon discovery of symptoms such as lusting after unattractive members of the opposite sex, licking things that normally shouldn't be licked, breaking the three second rule, a good friend must properly restrain to the sufferer, so no one actually gets hurt. Real friends don't let real friends hook up before finals. Just like beer goggles, the next day can be filled with regret after sleeping off all the uppers.

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