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In order to perform a Kentucky Pickle Jar, one must have access to Churchill Downs on the first Saturday in May. Following the completion of the Kentucky Derby, one must locate the winning horse’s stall. Collection of the winning horse’s fecal matter is mandatory. After aforesaid feces are collected, one then locates a [southern belle]. Once the requisite [southern belle] is located, one must take the previously collected fecal matter and smear it nice and thick on the southern belle’s labia. Immediately afterwards, one must locate a frozen pickle; the crunchy variety is highly recommended. Take the frozen pickle and repeatedly plunge the horse fecal matter into the southern belle’s vaginal orifice. [Congratulations]! You have now created a Kentucky Pickle Jar. Tell your mom; she’s sure to be awfully proud.
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