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Glasgow is a complicated city in Scotland defined by extreme highs and lows. For example, its extremely high citizens (especially in areas like Castlemilk (also known as Chateau Lait by the cultured) and Govan) and its extremely low IQs. To be fair, this definition could apply to the rest of Scotland as well. Known as Glaswegians or Weegies by the rest of the country and held in particularly high regard, its people scrape an existence in call centres, pound shops and in the wholesale distribution of sugar, alcohol and saturated fat to the population.

Epitomised by 'football' teams Celtic and Rangers who slug it out each year to be crowned Champion of the most meaningless competition since the "World Series" of Baseball kicked off in 1903, Glasgow has few real attractions.

Rare highlights include getting mugged on one of the city's many dangerous walks home, avoiding sex offenders in its train station toilets and running the gauntlet of Big Issue sellers and Chuggers on any street where at least one cigarette shop/charging cash machine/drug dealer still operates.

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