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Westford Wives are Westford's answer to the Stepford Wife. Awash in white-middle-class guilt, you can spot them by the designer handbags, jeans worn with stilettos, expertly colored/coiffed hair, perfectly matching mani/pedi, and Dunkin's coffee in-hand.

Their natural habitat is the spa/salon and PTO meetings, but they are most often found driving around in their Lexii or designer minivans, incubating their perfect Gattaca-esque offspring at the local soccer or baseball field.

Westford Wives live to set up playdates for Junior, but only with other "socially acceptable" parents who will invite them to (or join them at) the right parties, dinners, and book discussion groups where their favorite pastime is gossiping venomously about non-Westford Wives.

These creatures regularly emit complaints about their husbands' six-figure salaries not being enough while simultaneously whining about them not being home more to help out around their 2,500 sq. ft. Plywood Palace.

They are the quintessential "circle queens".

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