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Newcastle upon Tyne is the home of artificial sperm. Invented after the sudden decline in Geordie mens libido after Damian Duffs own goal against Aston Villa consigned the once proud toon football club to hell that is the Championship.

Alerted by the realisation of no natural born Geordie offspring being born after March 2010, Newcastle City Council raised council tax by 2.9% to fund research into the crisis affecting Geordie males.

A breakthrough was announced on 8th July, news of which was greeted in the tradional way by the fishwives of the BiggMarket by downing copious amounts of vodka based alcohol, getting jiggy down the alleys near the Quayside and then vommitting on the Grays Monument.

As the artificial sperm was co-developed in Durham, they had the foresight to alter the Geordie genome to prevent their predilection to favour black and white shirts, the 'Mackem mix' as the scientists, called it ensures all future male offspring will naturally wear red and white and seek their way to the Stadium of Light to watch Premiership football rather than Scunthorpe, Blackpool and Peterborough at St James' Park.

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