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The [University] of Brighton, better known by its official name, Brighton Polytechnic.

Established sometime in the 60's as a place for dropouts from inferior schools to attend, in order to keep them off [the streets]. The institution has continued this proud tradition through to this day, offering courses in sleeping, incest and media studies, all worthwhile subjects for a life guaranteed to be funded by state [welfare].

Around East Sussex and Brighton, it is well known as being the establishment to which people not quite smart enough to make it into Sussex [University] go. It is generally full of people who are so boring to talk to, that people have been known to pass out mid-interlocution.

Brighton Poly students are also known for their permanently high alcohol content, proficiency at activities that involve bouncing various kind of ball, and the universal ability to skin a reefer in under 30seconds.

The entry requirements to the academic world of Brighton Poly are notoriously low. Applicants are not required to have A levels, in part because many of the students are not aware of the existence of letters. Applicants merely have to [demonstrate] that they do not drag their knuckles as they perform [locomotive] tasks, and proficiency with a cigarette lighter is guaranteed to secure entry.

All three of the Brighton Poly sites are located in the dodgiest parts of Brighton and Eastbourne, just where they belong.

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