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A sewer-dwelling horse who is watching you, RIGHT NOW. TRUST ME. Some of you might be doubtful. "A horse? In my sewers?" Well, it's more likely than you think. How likely? [Have you ever] seen the movie "Aliens"? City sewers are like that, but with horses instead of aliens! Also, remember that horses have eyes on the sides of their heads, so they can stare at you without pointing their faces in your direction. DON'T BE FOOLED. Recent [scholarship] has determined that sewer horse must have water- and sewage-resistant oat bags. In Willard A. Paul's seminal 1914 book on the sewer horse, it was recorded that "horses, like men, fear the unknown - a long, cold night - Bess is poisoned - my master goes to jail." And that remains as true today as it was when Willard A. Price got [really high] and wrote it down.
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