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Minutes before sex, eat some Exlax, bran, and drink Mountain Dew. Shortley thereafter, when you are buttblasting some trim (or other dude, I guess, if you are a homo - no offense), you pull out quickly. You then blow monkey-style butt mud on your lady. After she shits herself (literally), you make up a vague excuse that you are a network rendering guy, and it just happened - your bad.
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