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Will tell you he’s “not ready for anything serious,” then text you good morning, beautiful for six weeks straight. Knows everyone at every party but somehow has no photos older than 3 months (because he deleted them with the ex). Usually found in the wild holding iced coffee and eye contact longer than the law allows. Possesses a dangerous mix of charm, 3-day stubble, and “I don’t do relationships” energy. Warning label: May cause emotional whiplash, loss of self-respect, and temporary delusions of being “the one to change him.” Consult your group chat before proceeding.
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