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Hillite: A self-styled “rational Orthodox intellectual,” often characterized by his allergy to irony, his obsession with appearing respectable to secular academia, and his acute discomfort with anything that smacks of zeal, masculinity, or memes. The Hillite’s faith is primarily mediated through Twitter threads, coffeehouse discussions, and long-winded Substack essays defending “the spirit of nuance.” He or she (but usually he—they prefer it that way) sees himself as a corrective to the "Ortho-bros"—those crude populists who actually believe in miracles, hierarchy, and demons.

The Hillite’s theology is more indebted to Wikipedia, Protestant seminary textbooks, and postmodern philosophy than to the Church Fathers, though he will quote Maximus the Confessor in the same way a Redditor quotes Nietzsche—selectively, and usually without comprehension. A Hillite is most comfortable critiquing “fundamentalism” in Orthodoxy, which usually just means anyone who takes Orthodoxy seriously.

Our sources within the Dyerite camp report that Hillites are easily triggered by words like “tradition,” “asceticism,” or “spiritual warfare,” preferring to discuss Orthodoxy as a vague aesthetic ideal rather than a rule of life. In conversation, Hillites will oscillate between academic detachment and moral superiority, especially when describing their internet rivals, whom they accuse of being “cultish,” “anti-intellectual,”.

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