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A pattern of repeated manipulative, coercive, and abusive behaviours that progressively undermine a partner’s autonomy, self-confidence, and safety.

Rapid attachment & love-bombing: Intense attention, flattery and promises early on that create dependence.

Control : Persistent attempts to dictate who the partner sees, where they go, how they spend money or time.

Gaslighting

Jealousy and surveillance: Accusations of disloyalty, checking messages, showing up uninvited, or demanding constant updates. Verbal and emotional abuse: Name-calling, humiliation in private or public, threats, or withholding affection as punishment. Coercive control: Using threats, financial pressure, or manipulation to force compliance.

Cycle of escalation and reconciliation: Alternating abusive incidents with apologies, gifts, or promises to change that make it hard to leave.

Blame and accountability avoidance: Always shifting responsibility to the partner or external circumstances. Boundary violations around consent: Pressuring for sexual activity, disregarding “no,” or dismissing consent concerns.

Common red flags (quick checklist):

Fast-moving relationship with pressure to commit.

Frequent “tests” of loyalty (jealousy, demands for passwords).

Dismissal of your feelings, calling you “overly emotional.”

Efforts to cut off or control friends/family.

Repeated lying

Financial manipulation

Threats (explicit or implied) about what will happen if you leave.

DO NOT DATE A STEVENSON

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