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Queef Pulmonary Resuscitation (QPR) A questionable but passionately delivered life-saving technique involving vaginal air and teamwork.

When someone flatlines during extreme recreational activities (e.g. clam baking, over-zooted on edibles, or just watching The Notebook too hard), QPR is your go-to. It involves forcefully blasting air into the unconscious subject’s lungs using a high-pressure vaginal exhale (aka a power queef), while simultaneously delivering rapid compressions to the dangle-dong to keep blood circulating.

For best results, QPR should be a two-person operation:

Primary Rescuer: Handles the queef-to-mouth ventilation.

Secondary "Fluffer": Keeps the beef bayonet at full mast to maintain blood flow.

This advanced maneuver is also known in medical bro-circles as MTQPR — Manage Troi Queef Pulmonary Resuscitation — named after the Star Trek hottie heroine who somehow always looked like she was one deep breath away from saving lives in space.

Warning: May revive the body but kill the dignity.

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