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Gunneritis (n.)

A chronic and incurable psychological condition affecting football fans, characterized by unwavering support for Arsenal Football Club despite repeated heartbreak, underachievement, and self-inflicted setbacks.

Symptoms:

False hope syndrome – Convincing oneself that "this is our year" every August, only to be mathematically humbled by March.

Top 4 Fever – Viewing fourth place as a trophy and celebrating it accordingly.

Trophy Hallucinations – Repeatedly reminiscing about the Invincibles era as if it happened yesterday, despite it being over two decades ago.

Red Card Rage Disorder – A tendency for one’s team to collect unnecessary red cards at crucial moments, often ruining promising matches.

Europa League Fatigue – The annual cycle of dropping from the Champions League group stage or bottling Europa League knockout rounds.

Managerial Denial Syndrome – Believing every new manager is "the one," before inevitably calling for their sacking within three seasons.

Spurs Obsession – Measuring success against Tottenham, even when finishing trophyless.

Prognosis:

No known cure.

Condition worsens in February/March when the annual title collapse occurs.

Symptoms temporarily subside after occasional FA Cup wins but quickly return.

Treatment:

Lower expectations.

Embrace banter.

Consider switching to a stress-free sport like chess.

Accept that Arsenal will Arsenal, no matter what.

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