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Noun- Forerunner drug to Ritalin. Generic name: Buttwhacken, Sorebottom Uses: To curve undesirable behaviors in children Usual Pediatric Dose for Attention Deficit Disorder: Apply 1 - 10 open-handed whacks topically to the buttocks Frequency: As needed Side Effects: Inability to sit, temporary screaming followed by crying, visits from CPS Approvals: Most Sheriffs, Marshals and parents of well adjusted children Contraindications: Bleeding heart liberals, helicopter parents, or where prohibited by law.
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