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A plaid-obsessed, Ralph Lauren-wearing menace who somehow finds the time to throw full-scale tantrums over frozen yogurt but also dedicates his life to alphabetizing his DVDs like it’s a sacred duty. Will thrift the exact same plaid shirt he already owns just because and arranges his sweaters with the care of a museum curator, as if they’re historical artifacts. Approach with extreme caution—especially if you value your sanity or dare to be even slightly late.
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