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Apple? Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of idiot do you have to be to search for something as basic and boring as an apple? "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"? More like "an apple a day keeps the excitement away". Apples are the ultimate symbol of mediocrity and conformity, the kind of thing that people eat when they're too lazy or too cheap to try something new.

And don't even get me started on the "health benefits" of apples. Sure, they might have some vitamins and fiber or whatever, but they're also loaded with sugar and carbs, which will rot your teeth and make you fat. Plus, have you ever heard of cyanide? Yeah, that's right, apples contain a toxic chemical that can kill you if you eat too many of them. So much for keeping the doctor away, huh?

But hey, if you're really into apples, then go ahead and eat them. Just don't expect me to be impressed. There are so many other exciting and delicious fruits out there - mangoes, pineapples, passion fruit, you name it. But no, you just had to search for fucking apples. Congratulations, you're officially the most boring person on the planet.

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