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Defcon 5: No Threat. You probably just took a huge shit. Defcon 4: There's potential. Either enough time has passed since your last shit, or your last shit you don't feel emptied you out, or you feel slightly unwell and could need to take a shit earlier than usual. Defcon 3: Very slight pressure. If you really, really needed to, you could probably for some turds out. If you do, it will probably be vey unfulfilling. Defcon 2: The normal needing to shit. Ideal conditions under which to shit. Defcon 1: Shit imminent. Basically, you better have your pants dropping as you hit the bathroom door or you're going to have a problem on your hands.
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