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Top Reds are Liverpool Football Club fans who bizarrely show more interest in actual football matches than the transfer window. They obsess about small details such as results and championships won rather than looking at the real metric of success, annual net spend on players.

They often go to live football matches, which gives them a limited perspective on the game, as they are unable to benefit from slow-motion replays of key events and the insights of knowledgable experts such as Martin Tyler and Joe Cole. They may even claim to have been fans of the club for at least 10 years, which is unlikely as there is no evidence football even existed at that time.

They have a tendency to use an incomprehensible dialect that is very different from the accents we find in true Liverpool fans: Surrey, South Dublin and Singapore. This dialect may originate in a place called "Shankley", because they seem to mention it a lot.

They frequently engage in unhinged behaviour such as discussing the relative merits of fan ownership and the moral dangers of becoming a club run by petrobillionaires rather than simply tattooing "FSGout!" on their penis like any normal person would do.

YWNA

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