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A short publication that would have saved you a lot of time if you bothered to read it. However, reading an instruction manual before attempting to assemble/use the product with which it came is a sure sign of mental and physical weakness.  Manuals come free with purchases of self-assembly furniture, electronic products, children’s toys and many, many other products. Some of these products are so simple to use, (eg. A padlock) that a 55 page, multi-lingual, fully referenced brochure doesn’t really seem necessary  When writing an instruction manual, follow these simple rules and you can’t fail;  1. Make the pages from stiff, shiny paper so that it’ll only stay open at the right page with the help of a rock, a toolbox and a dining room table positioned on each corner.  2. Make an extensive ‘Contents Page’ using the smallest font available and ensuring that you number the chapters, sections and sub-sections. Do this even if you only have 3 pages.   3. If applicable, include an illustration of the parts the buyer SHOULD have received and make sure this includes a picture of the manual itself.  4. When you reach the English chapter, don’t be tempted to waste money on a translator, as you can simply guess most English words and make up the rest as you go along.  5. Be sure to include diagrammatical information where appropriate – get a four year old child to help you with the drawings.  6. Make the manual's cover attractive to women so that they can sit on their comfy sofas and shout directions at their husband/boyfriend when they are doing perfectly well with superior male intuition (and brute force)

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