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A merchant, tourist/summer home, wealthy/poverished, post-colonial, pre-Laser Beam Modernism town in southern Suffolk County (Long Island, New York).  Quick Stats:  Average Income:  $75,957.32 (Loews Standardized Survey '04). Average IQ:  97 (Loews '04; Stanford-Binet V) Average Idiot Code Enforcement Officer (per-acre): 3 (Loews '05) Average MILF (per-acre): 5.78 (Loews '05)  Number of Weird Drug Addicts: 67 (Loews '04) Number of Failing Businesses: Kitchen and Coffee (Loews '04) Number of High School Kids Doing Stupid Things on Corners (daily): 11 (Loews '04) Number of Rich Families Paying Ridiculous Amts. of Money for You To Babysit Their Sons/Daughters While They Are Home: 61 (Loews '04) Number of Toolbags at the Golf Course/Sailing on the Bay/Hitting on Chicks at the Beach: 89 (Loews '04; New Record as of May '04)  Cash Crop: Pot (see marijuana, reefer, smoke, mary jane, hash, green, dynamo jackson, professor duncan's smooth/victorious spinach, magical thing, trees, thing kids at Bellport put into bongs and smoke a lot)  Bellport was established in 1842 by French/Dutch Settlers.  What started off as a good idea soon became home to Isabella Rosellini and her black garments that she wraps herself in (like a mummy) so that no sunlight will touch her regal body, a summer home for Madonna (cancelled, May '03), a stomping grounds for bands such as The Beatless, Alopecia, The Pillow Biters, SGT (summer '02), and excessive banter.  The hot spot in Bellport is most likely the four corners.  This is where people gather to pace around, choose whether they want to go to the deli, pizza place, or grocery store, smoke cigarettes, talk about things, skateboard, cavort with cohorts and acquaintances, talk about the failing business Kitchen and Coffee, gossip about rich people (see: old WASPs), and play backgammon.  Current Scenes in Order of Populus (Loews '05):  WASP Skater-Dude Punk Nazi Nazi-Punk Neo-Nazi Post-Punk Post-Neo-Nazi-Skater-Punk Square Indie The Ashlee Simpson Scene Italian Metrosexual Greek Metrosexual The Weight-Lift Scene Suped Car/Tinted Window Ex-Bellport High School Football Player Ex-High School Graduate Alky Pothead Hot Girls visiting from France for the Summer  Bellport has a bay area where there are boat slips and docks and a playground with a wooden pirate ship stuck in the sand.  Bellport has a ferry and hot girls from France.  Bellport is a sister city of St. Maxime. (What?)

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