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Oft attributed to Liam Gray of Rhode Island, the true origins of Chicken Salad are far more sinister. Recent research has revealed that Benedict Arnold, the much reviled traitor, in fact developed chicken salad. He used the distribution of it to mask his traitorous errands. The popularity of the food among some types of people can be attributed to the addictive chemicals found in Satan’s anal perspiration, and hair (mayonnaise, and celery respectively). This has come as a shock to those that find themselves supporting the recipe of an infamous traitor, and vindication to the true patriots who have always known chicken salad is terrible.
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