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lənch

1. Also known as a nooner or a “boat ride” (during which a boat ride may or may not occur), but always a mid-day sexual encounter with your significant other. Not to be confused with afternoon delight which always occurs after LUNCH.

2. “LUNCH” is an intimate gathering of gentlemen who meet to eat and drink mid-day, not to be confused with “lunch”. The number of gentlemen must exceed three men and has no upper limit other than the size of the table.

Often LUNCH has no set menu, nor is it prix fix. The most exclusive LUNCH gatherings have menus established by the chef under the “carte blanche” rule of Michelin dining.

LUNCH must include multiple bottles and types of liquor. Bonus LUNCH points are accrued for flaming drinks. Some expert arbiters of LUNCH actually cook and eat their own lunches in the restaurant’s kitchen, in which case the number of attendees may fall below two people, and may only occur if the acumen is judged high enough by the executive chef.

LUNCH may not last less than 1.5 minutes (a.k.a. Lunchus Minoris) nor exceed 6.5 hours (a.k.a. Lunchus Majoris nee Cazadores Primerus Majorus).

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