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A Christingle is an orange and it's got a red ribbon tied around it (And already that's weird, isn't it? Just so you know, I'm not halfway through this description yet. That's an orange with a red ribbon tied around it. Never any excuse to tie a red ribbon around an orange, unless you're gonna fly somewhere on holiday, you want to check the orange in beforehand, so that when it comes round on that conveyor belt, you can tell it apart from all the other oranges. You don't wanna go home with a satsuma, or God forbid, a clementine). It's an orange, it's got a red ribbon tied around it, and four cocktail sticks stuck in the top of the orange. And then we skewer raisins and Dolly Mixtures onto those. And then we get a long, thin candle, drive that into the top of the orange and light it. And then a small child carries that down the aisle of the church on Christmas Eve and nobody questions it. Against all the odds, the kid comes out of it looking pretty boss. And all the elements represent something different. The orange represents all the vitamin C in the world. The ribbon represents the fashion industry. The cocktail sticks represent competitive javelin. The sweets and the raisins represent regret, and the candle represents the dwindling popularity of wax museums.

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