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Begin with beating your faecal matter with a cutlery instrument, for instance, a fork, until the consistency of said faecal matter is in slushy and viscous. After this, store the faecal matter in a bowl and wrap it in cling film, refrigerating it for 24 hours. After it has been [refrigerated], retrieve the faecal matter and place it in your or your breeding mates bedroom. When you are engaging in [sexual intercourse] with your [significant other], smear the faecal matter on their face with an instrument of decoration, I.E. a paintbrush.
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